The horros of Babysitting
by Eternally a Weeping Sunflower
Summary: You know, babysitting a child that could possibly be the spawn of Satan himself isn't so bad, honest! A few times getting humiliated and manipulated by an evil 8 year old on the daily basis was normal for 26 year old Yao Wang. AU, OOC?, possibly multi-chaptered, Mild language, crude/sick humor and an evilly spoiled Ivan. Full summary inside!
1. Chapter 1

**I AM SO SORRY for not updating all of my fics for so long, being a lazy shithead and having writers block isn't easy! I decided to type this up to give me some inspiration..This might possibly be multi-chaptered so...yeah. I hope you enjoy.**

**INFO: This is an ****AU that takes place in the 21****st**** century, yes! ****Mild language, and some sick/crude humor, OOC Ivan possibly because I always imagined Ivan as an evil little shit when he was younger, Yao is Ivan's babysitter and Ivan comes from a rich family((made him kinda spoiled in this)), possible mentions of side-pairings and more info to come later?**

**AGES:**

**Yao: 26 years old, Ivan: 8 years old, Natalia: 3 years old, Katyusha: 17 ((I made up all these ages on my own. **

**Enjoy?**

**xXx**

"Mwahahaha!" An annoying cackle sounded throughout the entire dining room, making Yao's eye twitch, something that he found his eye doing a lot lately ever since he had to deal with this demon of child named Ivan Braginski. Yao nearly jumped out of his skin as he felt a harsh tugging at the edges of his shirt. Sighing, Yao turned around angrily and glared down at the invasive force that was wrinkling his shirt neatly ironed T-shirt. He closed his eyes tightly and he mumbled a few prayers in Mandarin before cracking his left eye open slowly, already knowing who the person was.

When he fully opened both of his eyes they were met with a bowl of slowly melting strawberry ice cream with cherry syrup drizzled all over it evenly. Yao gently shoved the bowl out of his face and stared down with fake curiosity at the child, who was currently grinning evilly with an unnerving glint in his big violet eyes. "Look, Yao!" Yao held back the need to roll his eyes and stare back down at the porcelain white bowl, looking at it with no interest at all.

"Ah..yes..that is a bowl of ice-"

"Nyet, it is a bowl of brains!" Ivan cackled loudly, violently stirring the ice cream and red syrup together rapidly, spilling some of its creamy contents on the polished marble floor and on Yao's white T-shirt in the process. "I-Ivan, enough! Quit playing with your food and go sit down and eat it!" Fuming, Yao quickly picked up Ivan with both hands and stomped back into the pink, yes _pink _highchair, Ivan puffed out his baby-fat cheeks and pouted childishly.

"Get me out of this damn chair, wench!" Yao froze in his spot, wet yellow sponge in hand hovering over the bright pink stain that sat flat in the middle of his shirt.

"Ivan, watch your language, where are you getting these foul words from?" Yao screeched in horror as he began trying to scrub the stain out of his shirt which only resulted in making the stain about 4x's bigger than it was originally, dammit! Yao didn't know how he survived the last seven months of this, he wanted a part time job so he could raise up a little more money and put it to the side so he could save up for his trip to China, he wanted to visit his younger sister Mei Mei so they could catch up on a few things, but who knew it was going to be this hard! Yao didn't understand how he was getting paid $9.50 an hour, Ivan parents were filthy rich, his asshole of a father owning a large marketing company whilst his mother was some big time fancy woman who modeled for fashion magazines, more like porn magazines if you asked Yao, that evil bitch barely wore anything enough to actually call it 'fashion'.

"Yao! Yao, look, look!" Ivan squealed with sick delight, now stabbing at the ice cream with his silver spoon, scooping up a bit of ice cream then watching it descend slowly back into the bowl with a harsh 'plop'! Yao's nostrils flared with disgust, looks can be totally deceiving. Upon first look you would think of Ivan to be an adorable, well behaved child with good manners; wrong. Well, the adorable part wasn't wrong, even though he was more than likely the spawn of Satan himself. Yao and the French cook decided to give Ivan the nickname 'little hell-raiser', they never called Ivan that when he was around, of course, just when they were chatting calmly about the little guy but that rarely happened since Francis kept trying to grope and feel up on him every chance he got.

"Hey, Yao, you're not looking!" Ivan whined and began kicking his feet against the leg of the table, some of the fine China rattling, causing a few cracks here and there to the large plate set in the middle of the table.

"I'm watching, I'm watching, good lord, what is it now, Iva-" Smack! Yao quietly count to five as he calmed himself down and opened his eyes, a long, red Twizzler stuck to his forehead and was hanging over his left eye.

"Ivan, was it really necessary to throw this at me?" Yao growled, ripping the Twizzler that stuck to his face off his sweaty forehead, throwing it to the ground carelessly, usually Yao wasn't a careless person but the maids would get it. Ivan beckoned Yao over to him with his finger, Yao painfully walked over to him until Ivan pointed to the chair seated across him from the table. Once Yao settled down in the comfy wooden chair, which had a soft pillow for his rear, he cautiously took his glance up to Ivan and regretted it as soon as he did.

Ivan was slowly ripping the Twizzler apart with his small hands with a cracked smirk on his cute, yet terrifying face. "Yao! Doesn't it look like I am ripping a Spine apart? I'm imaging it is that obnoxious American boy I met at the park two days ago, filthy Capitalist pig..." He trailed off quietly, paying Yao's shocked and horrified face no mind, placing the Twizzler in his mouth then gnawing on it like some rabidly starved animal. Yao really had no words for what was going on at the moment, still wearing his shocked expression on his face, mouth gaping all the while.

"Mwahahaha!" Ivan chuckled, knocking the glass bowl onto the floor and struggling to get himself out of that _girly _highchair, circling quickly around the long dining room table over to Yao's side. He grabbed Yao's stained T-shirt again, successfully pulling Yao's stiff body out of the chair and guiding him upstairs to his playroom, they were going to play Ivan's favorite game; damsel in distress, Yao was the damsel, of course.

"Yao! I can't keep pushing you up the stairs, walk!" Ivan whimpered falsely with a pout, winning Yao over in a quick second.

"Yao! Yao! Yao! Yao! Oh Yaoooooooo-"

"What, what, what!?" He was seriously reaching his breaking point.

"Guess what we're going to play?" Ivan asked innocently, rocking back around forth on the tips of his expensive leather boots.

Yao had a few guesses in mind, only about three since Ivan kept wanting to play the same game all the time, Yao hoped to the high heavens it wasn't his third guess.

"Umm...Twister?" That had been a disaster, who knew an 8 year old could be such a pervert? Ivan frowned and shook his head. "Nope! Guess again!"

Yao rolled his eyes discretely and guessed again for Ivan. "...Chess?" Ivan was wonderful at Chess, surprisingly. He beat Yao's ass three times in a row last Thursday in front of his older sister and butler, damn that was sad.

Yao could have sworn he saw a playful glint in Ivan's eyes again, oh no.

Anything but that.

_No._

Ivan waltzed up to the closet door, swinging it open with a smile, he looked in it for a few seconds before producing a sparkly, glitter infested pink ballroom dress, a tiara and plastic slippers, they weren't glass since his parents wouldn't buy them for safety precautions first.

"Well? Do you know what we're going to play now, Yaolissa?" Yao cringed at the horrible 'female' version of his name, it was horrible but Yao told himself he had to endure only a few more hours here till he got to go home.

"D-_damsel in distress_?" Yao managed to choke out, glaring black holes into the big frilly bows hanging off the back of the dress.

"Ding ding ding, we have a winner! Come along, China! Big sister Ukraine will do your makeup!" Yao tried to stall some time or at least make it so that he didn't have to wear that degrading makeup. "W-wait! What if Katyu-"

"Ukraine." Ivan corrected him, sometimes Ivan would call them by the name of the country they came from, hence the reason why he sometimes called him 'China', but Yao never questioned it just assuming it was some cool kid thing.

"Yeah, Ukraine or whatever. Anyways...don't you think shes tired of doing my makeup all the time?" The calm aura around Ivan became a dark one as he visibly frowned at this.

"Big sister Ukraine? S-...she would never deny me..._never._" That's it, Yao finally decided that all children were creepy and manipulative and got whatever they wanted with their giant doe-eyes. Yao timidly nodded, holding out his hand for Ivan to take, Ivan gripped it eagerly and talked about how 'pretty' Yao was going to look when he tried out the new dresses he made his parents order for Yao.

Yao still wondered why his parents never questioned who they were purchasing those dresses for, oddly.

**XxX**

**Like? Yes? No? Feedback seriously makes me happy, not for popularity or anything, it's just that it encourages me is all. Spelling errors that are pointed out are greatly appreciated. UwU I'm gonna go update now, bye bye! **


	2. I'm not sleepy, play with me, Yao!

**Yay, update! **

**WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Pervert Ivan, Racist/Stereotypical talk. (Ivan really isn't racist or stereotypical, he's just trying to get a rise out of Yao, don't hate me!)**

**This chapter is shorter than the one, my bad. :D?**

**Enjoy!**

**XxX**

Yao was always a light sleeper, any bump, thump, screech or sniffle could awaken him from his slumber, and when he heard the sound of the heavy wooden door to his bedroom creak lowly, his eyes shot wide open and he became as stiff as a chalk-board.

'Please don't be who I think it is...' Yao silently pleaded, but he already knew it was too good to be true as he felt the left side of his bed go down due to someone climbing on it and adding extra weight to his small twin sized bed.

Poke.

Yao squeezed his eyes shut and hoped the intruder would go away and leave him alone.

Poke, poke.

Yao attempted to make fake snoring sounds, which actually sounded absolutely horrible, by the way; they weren't fooling little Ivan.

JAB, JAB, JAB, POKE!

"IVAN, LEAVE ME ALONE!" Yao screeched as he threw his comforter off his body, the cold air that hit him suddenly from the loss of heat that was his silken cover. He heard that obnoxious giggle which made him cringe in horror and fear, the look on Yao's face was very pleasing to Ivan when he took his small orange flashlight and shined it in his face. Yao angrily smacked the light out of Ivan's hands, making it shatter as it hit the cold marble tile. Yao heard a sharp gasp of despair as the unpleasing sound of shattered glass hit his ears. He winced when he heard a few sniffles and internally groaned as a tear drop landed on his pale leg.

"H-hey...Ivan, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to break your flashlight...but you really shouldn't be shoving it in other peoples face while they're trying to sleep, it's rude!" Yao scolded, but his heart only clenched painfully in his chest as the whimpers and hiccups got louder. Yao didn't mean to break his flashlight, I mean, he had it coming, but the guilt slowly settled in and he couldn't take it anymore. Yao enveloped Ivan into tight hug and patted his soft hair, admiring the way the silky blonde locks slipped through his boney fingers.

For a straight three minutes they stayed embraced until Yao felt something wet on his legs and nightgown, oh god, please let that not be piss. Yao heard that evil little cackle and face-palmed, he picked Ivan up and set him on the floor, going to his bedside and turning on his lamp, looking down at his legs and nightgown which were soiled in a bright neon green paint. 'What did I do to deserve this?' Yao asked himself as he continued to stare at the large stain in his clothing, that was his favorite gown too...he'd never get this bright neon color out of his creamy white nightgown. Yao turned around and took his attention to Ivan was was smiling innocently with his head titled to the right as if he just didn't just throw paint on his babysitter.

Yao crossed his arms and glared at Ivan, "Ivan, why would you do that!? I am starting to think that you enjoy seeing me upset!" Yao stated obviously, so obviously Ivan snorted like a pig and rolled his big violet eyes, "Well duh, it is fun seeing you angry, your eyes turn into little slits like snake!" He chuckled as he squinted his eyes and put both hands behind his back and began mimicking Yao, "'Ivan, how many times do I have to tell you to eat your vegetables, they're good for you! Ivan, don't you dare throw that ball in the house! Ivan, get back here and do your homework! I like eating rice and egg rolls! Blah blah blahhhhh..." Yao gaped in horror at him, he did not sound like that and his eyes were _not _that small, dammit! "Ivan you cut that out right now, that's stereotypical!" He wagged his finger at him as if scolding a misbehaved puppy, which would easily describe Ivan, but Ivan would be more like a fully grown pit bull with all bark _and _bite.

Ivan sent Yao a boggled look and put his finger up to his lip with curiosity, "Stereotypical? Yao...we do not have a stereo, silly!" Yao had to hold back the urge to roll his eyes at Ivan, but he couldn't get more frustrated with him since because Ivan was still a child and had no idea was 'stereotypical' meant.

"No, not that 'stereo' that plays music, I mean 'stereotypical', as in thinking that one whole race does and likes the exact same thing, also that was kind of racist what you did with your eyes, all Asians do not look like that, you naughty boy! Get back to bed or your father will have my head!"

"Naughty? Yao, are you coming on to me?" Ivan wiggled his pale eyebrows suggestively at Yao, just wanting to get a rise out of him, once again.

"Jeez, for an eight year old you sure are a pervert! Also, NO I am NOT coming onto you! Wh-where are you learning these things from?" Yao began biting his nail out of worry; what if Ivan said something like that around his parents? He'd get in trouble for it and it most likely will cost him this job! Ivan turned around and pointed at the small television sitting on top a white dresser in the corner of the room, "I get it from TV, I like the shows that come on during Adult Swim on Cartoon Network and Comedy Central, they're so funny! I think my favorite show is Robot Chicken!"* Yao's hands dropped from his mouth as it gaped wide open,

"Adult Swim? Robot Chicken?...Ivan...I am going to give you 10 seconds to get out of my room and back in bed, got it?" Oh no, Yao was not going to deal with this at 2AM in the morning, he'd have to tell Ivan off later on in the day when the sun rises. Looks like he was going to have to monitor Ivan while he watched TV, again.

"Ehh? Why only ten seconds? Why not five, hm? I rather like a challenge, my sweet wife." Ivan skipped happily over to the bedroom door, turning around to look at Yao's face boiling with rage; success.

"IVANNN!" Yao screeched this time, not particularly caring if he woke anyone up anymore.

Down the hall, Katyusha shook her head as she let the tears fall, god bless Yao's heart for putting up with Ivan's complete and utter bullshit, then she smiled peacefully and let Francis continue with the foot rub he offered to give her a few minutes ago, which wasn't odd because Francis liked to stay up late and do...things with other people.

"You know, you are a very attractive woma-"

"No, Francis." He pouted playfully and sulked as he continued to massage her sore feet, she 'hmmed' quietly when he worked on the soles of her soft foot. Chasing Ivan around earlier to make him put on his clothing for a full forty-five minutes was torture, after all. Now, she didn't have to worry about chasing Ivan around the house, it was Yao's turn!

She saw Francis visibly cringe when they heard the sound of what seemed liked expensive glass plates shattering and large pots and pans clattering to the ground, how her parent's slept through all the noise was a mystery to everyone.

"Good luck, Yao..you'll need it." She sniffled quietly, feeling a little ounce of sorrow and remorse for not helping the poor man, Ivan was quite the handful...

**XxX**

**I forgot to tell you all that this is going to be a series of one-shots and not just a continuation of the first chapter, so sorry! And to the ONLY person that reviewed, I love you so much and to answer your questions: **

**Yes, Yao helps Ivan with his homework! XD **

**Of course, Francis gropes ****Katyusha and others as well, not to a perverted point but he only does it to tease. :3**

**DISCLAIMER(don't know if this is needed but I have to be careful): ROBOT CHICKEN, CARTOON NETWORK, ADULT SWIM AND COMEDY CENTRAL ARE NOT MINES! (obviously)**

**Pretty please leave a review? ;W;**


End file.
